Holdfast Training Services Trial Blog

I find myself surrounded by buffoons, I can’t think of any other way to describe these people, specifically people that call themselves senior project managers.  So far as I can see that ‘project management’ in Osborne consists of getting as much stuff and many trades on site in one go into the same bit of real estate and then try to fix the f*** up after it has happened instead of thinking about sequencing.  I can’t write anymore on this subject because I’m still very angry about it.

And for my next trick I shall make this wall disappear

I have been given the responsibility for the demolition of a retaining wall in my block, including gathering the quotes, ensuring the structural engineer is agrees with the method statement, coord of the other stuff in support and ultimately supervision.  The sketch shows how much wall needs to come out, approximately 31 m^2 of 300mm thick wall, this will then be replaced by block walls which will probably never be removed.

The saga begins like this…The client specified that the project will use the Southampton City district heating scheme, however if the scheme became too expensive in the future the project should be capable of converting to local boilers in the plant room on my block.  If future boilers were installed more louvres would be required, the client would be willing to remove block walls but not RC walls.  The last point was completely missed by the structural engineer who designed it in RC anyway, so now it has to come down to be replaced by blockwork.  I have called it a retaining wall which is probably slightly misleading as the part hatched in red isn’t actually retaining anymore than about 200mm of ground.  The quote from the concrete cutting has come in at £9000, there are of course other costs involved, Osborne staff time, provision of access, power etc etc which I haven’t worked out how all that gets billed yet, I need to go and talk to the boring blokes upstairs (one of which believes that having done some ‘outward bound courses’ and reading Andy McNabb entitles him to pull up and sandbag and spin some dits, buffoons!).  When placed against the structural engineers overall fee of £900K means that 1% of their fee will go on fixing a simple mistake.

Is the grass greener?

In other news the new bricklayer project manager spent 5 years in the Foreign Legion and has a healthy collection of crap tats.  Another overly tattooed individual that doesn’t work on my block revealed himself to have spent 3 years in the QRH, every troop and platoon commander in the Army needs a photo of this bloke:

Sapper “Boss, I want to sign off”

Troopy “Why?”

Sapper “‘Coz it’s shit innit”

Troopy “OK, have you considered the following things that the Army offers that you won’t get in civi street?  Pension, paying for work clothes, paying for gym membership, paying for dental treatment?”

Sapper “Yeah, still want to sign off”

Troopy “What are you intending to do for work?”

Sapper “Well my mate’s Dad’s Brother’s Cousin has got a job earning sixty grand driving lorries and says he can get me a job”

Troopy “Have you actually listened to yourself?  Do you realise what you’ll actually end up like is this [brings out photo of fat, useless, former QRH bloke with ink up to his jaw bone in his ripped tracksuit bottoms, sweating himself senseless sweeping up a dusty concrete slab in the midday sun] There’s no G10 to mince around in out there you know, turning up for work hung over isn’t considered good fun”

Retention sorted.

I’m sorry I couldn’t bring myself to rant about what I actually sat down to do so but hopefully this will have made you smile.

For Richard, the surface of the moon can be recreated by pouring concrete in the rain